We've got to go through it
How to cope with difficult emotions - mental well-being
Do you remember the children’s storybook ‘We’re going on a Bear Hunt’? It is a 1989 children's picture book written by Michael Rosen and illustrated by Helen Oxenbury.
It’s a story about a family who goes ‘searching for bears’. And along the way, they stumble across a number of obstacles.
“We’re going on a bear hunt, we’re going to catch a big one, we’re not scared'.
“Uh oh… mud!”
“We can’t go over it. We can’t go under it. We have to go through it!”
How this relates to coping with difficult times
This came to mind the other day.
I was discussing with a client about uncomfortable feelings. How the immediate desire is to avoid, distract and not feel unhappy, sad or even pissed off.
It’s human nature to not want to feel negative emotions. Or any feeling that we might interpret as negative.
Some positive psychology suggests we simply need to think positively, avoid and or distract ourselves from these feelings, so that we may feel ‘good’ again.
This may work short term and it may be necessary in order to get a job done, carry on in life overall or get some rest or sleep.
Approaching difficult feelings
However, there is also a time and a place for feeling into the feelings deeply. Sitting with them, befriending them, holding them and examining them. This allows us to explore, understand and accept what we are experiencing. And allows us to do something about it if needed.
Ideally, this would take place with a therapist who can guide you through and help you out if you get stuck.
Sometimes we need to sit with the shitty feelings for a while and allow ourselves the time to process them.
It's uncomfortable, it doesn't feel nice and the natural instinct is to distract and avoid. But within the shitty, there will be a gem, a moment of realisation or truth which will enable you to reframe, rebuild and carry on.
In a recent post by Trudy Goodman: “We can’t just put a smiley on something shitty. A reframe only works if it’s rooted in truth and possibility.”
Trudy Goodman - Facebook post
Self-compassion in mental health
What’s important in this process, is to go through it with the deepest self-compassion we can muster. With deep self-kindness, self-acceptance and self-care.
We don’t need to beat up, belittle or criticise ourselves for what we are experiencing.
We understand that feelings simply are that. Feelings. They come and go. Sometimes they appear to arise from nowhere. And sometimes we feel we have no control over them. And at times they are incredibly uncomfortable.
But, at the end of the day, in the words of ‘The Bear Hunt’ - we can't go under it, we can't go over it, we have to go THROUGH it.
Image from The Bear Hunt
If you would like to explore this further - and are interested in supporting your mental well-being with mindfulness and compassion - get in touch with Helen - Mental Health Nurse & Life Coach - below.
Helen is a registered nurse, specialising in mental health from a holistic perspective. She is passionate about supporting people to have optimal mental health and well-being.
Based in New Zealand, Helen is available for speaking, education sessions and one on one appointments.
