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Love and Connection

Helen Duyvestyn

Happy Valentine's Day to you all today.

Whether you are single or with the love of your life - I hope you got to experience a little bit of love today. Actually, I hope you get to experience a little bit of love every day.

We can create moments of love and connection as we go about our day - a smile at a stranger, letting someone in through the traffic, paying someone a compliment. We can prepare or share a meal, bake a cake or simply be present for someone in need.

We can experience moments of love and connection by giving our fur baby a brush, noticing the colour of the sunset, or listening to the sound of a bird call.

Did you have a moment of love or connection today?

Professor of Psychology Barbara Fredrickson has taken it as her mission to 'redefine love' as not a romantic notion, but a way of describing those moments of connection that you have with someone on a day-to-day basis.

She describes these moments of connection as 'micro-moments of positive resonance' and has shown that these can have a physical impact on the body and health outcomes.

You can watch three minutes of her describing this in her video here: Barbara Fredrickson - Remaking Love

From this talk we can understand that:

Connection creates an emotional warmth, which releases a hormone known as oxytocin. Oxytocin protects the heart by reducing blood pressure.

The feeling of ‘elevation’ is something we experience when we encounter what is called moral beauty. Moral beauty is when we see, even hear about, someone else engaging in compassionate, selfless behaviour in the service of others. Not only does it make us feel better or encourage us to be better people, it is also likely to increase the likelihood that we will do something kind to someone else.

Elevation also has a common physical sign, and that is kind of a warm, expansive feeling in the chest. When people say they feel it in the heart, it's true. Research has shown that elevation triggered through doing good deeds for others is connected to the vagus nerve, which regulates our heart rate. So for example, if you're doing a good deed such as helping a homeless person find food, not only will it give you that kind of a warm feeling in your chest, but it's also likely to change your heart rhythm and slow it down in a healthy manner. When we speak about feelings in our hearts, it's not just that it's a metaphor. It's a real outcome associated with doing good deeds for others, and that sense of elevation we

A strong relationship exists between well-being, happiness, health and longevity of people who are emotionally and behaviourally compassionate, so long as they are not overwhelmed by helping tasks. This means they give as much as they feel comfortable - without depriving themselves too much either financially or of time.

So - we can create moments of ‘elevation’, of that warm expansive feeling in our heart - which we may otherwise define simply as love.

And we don’t need to wait until Valentine’s Day.

Helen is a registered nurse with a master’s in health science and a life coach, specialising in mental health from a holistic perspective. She is passionate about supporting people to have optimal mental health and well-being.

Based in New Zealand, Helen is available for speaking, education sessions and one-on-one appointments.