Staying sane in an insane world
How do we cope?
How do we cope, when our best friend that we have known and trusted ‘forever’ suddenly appears to be on the ‘other side’? How do you cope when someone you love has a very different opinion than you over religion, politics, the Ukraine war, or the chaos in Gaza? What do you do when your neighbour turns out to be a huge Trump supporter and believes Covid was started by the government to control its citizens?
If you have managed to get through the last few years without a sleepless night, you may just have been living under a rock, or you have the resilience of a saint.
It has been a tumultuous time, with COVID-19, the Ukraine war the ongoing climate changes, the anniliation of the Gaza strip. These things have infiltrated our lives and livelihoods.
The sense of division
During the last few years with Covid 19, The only time I was aware of New Zealand being so divided regarding an issue was the Springbok tour of 1981 and I was just a little too young to have been involved in this.
We are being exposed to friends and family members who have very different viewpoints from ours. Whether it’s on politics or religion, the post-immunisation debate or the current ‘wars’ (or genocide) - depending on where you stand.
The result of which can leave us feeling confused and threatened.
I am hearing stories from other friends, family members and clients. And the discussion about how we manage this.
WHAT CAN WE DO?
What can we do to support ourselves from this division that these things have created between us and people we love, care for, or simply ‘hang out’ with?
I recently listened to a podcast with Sarah Wilson and Marg Wheatly. It was a sobering listen - but with great advice: Start with when you are. Start with creating “islands of sanity” amid the despair. Bring peace and sanity into your home and into your community.
Remember: this too shall pass. We can very much be sucked into a vortex of feeling consumed by our emotions. Remember - that in the big scheme of things - this is just a very small amount of our life here on earth. In a few years - all of this won’t matter quite so much (hard to imagine I know, but true).
Does a friendship of a lifetime deserve to be lost over a differing of opinion? (Only you can answer this)*
You can stay within your boundaries - and allow other people to make choices even if you don’t agree with them.
Focus on the common ground. It may be that you choose to ‘agree to disagree’ and focus on the aspects of the relationship which give you both joy. What drew you to this person in the first place? What things do you have in common?
Continue to nurture yourself. What can you do for you? Go for a walk? Speak to a friend/family member? Prepare a nice meal or food treat? Go for a swim? Head to the bush? What can you do to simply reduce the stress load? Remember, this is ‘stress’, it will take a toll on your mind, mental health and body. Rest and nurture accordingly.
Learn to feel comfortable with the uncomfortable. As challenging as it is to be confronted by these things, sometimes we just need to sit with it. Notice how it feels. Notice our urge to respond/react. Notice what anger feels like in the body. Resist the urge to ‘not feel like this’. Allow it to just be as it is. Soften into it.
Turn off social media, skip past the comments section, give yourself a break from it all. As you have probably discovered, the rabbit holes are endless. Come back out, look at the grass growing, smell the flowers and notice the blue sky.
Practice the higher ground; as in, ‘what action would my highest self be proud of in this moment?’
Meditate. Practice being in the moment. Staying in the now. Bringing yourself to this breath. Then this breath... Then this breath... Letting thoughts come and go, not buying into the stories of them all, allowing them to pass.
Remember: we are truly all in this together. We are all struggling, trying to do our best. Practising self-compassion can be a helpful way of letting go. Have a look at some of these guided meditations on self-compassion from Kristen Neff.
THIS TOO, WILL PASS
This will pass, and although life will return to some form of ‘normal’ - life will never be back to how it once was. Things have changed. Friendships and families have been challenged. Our beliefs have been challenged.
And even more alarmingly many faults/cracks that we were once able to ignore have been brought to the surface in every area of our society.
One more piece of advice based on a meme I recently saw:
After a time, it doesn’t matter who was right and who was wrong. At some stage, continuing to be angry… is just poisoning yourself”.
Kia kaha to all of you out there doing the best you can.
Helen
*Some friendships aren’t for a lifetime and it may be a time that a friendship does indeed come to an end. Doing so with honesty and grace may be the best thing to do if you feel the division in opinion is compromising who you are and who you want to be.
Helen is a registered nurse with a Master’s in Health Science and a life coach, specialising in mental health from a holistic perspective. She is passionate about supporting people to have optimal mental health and well-being.
Based in New Zealand, Helen is available for speaking, education sessions and one-on-one appointments.